Interesting statements from a father who is over 70 years old

The 29-year-old lives with his father, who is in his 70s, and tweets whatever his father has to say.

"That woman is sexy ... Are you not her level? Son, let the woman decide why she won't sleep with you, don't make up for her."

"You worry too much. Here, eat the bacon ... What? No, I have no idea if this will make you feel better. I just fried too much bacon."

"Son, no one cares what your cell phone can do. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Any fool can do that."

"Yeah, I understand, when I turn on the faucet in the kitchen, boiling water is pouring on you in my soul. No, I don't promise that I won't do this anymore, I say that I understood the principle itself."

I just want silence ... Lord, that doesn't mean I don't love you. This means that now I love silence more.

"Can we talk later? The news is broadcasting ... Listen, if you have TB, nothing will change in half an hour, good heavens ..."

"The kid will speak when he speaks, relax. Not that he knew a cure for cancer and refused to share information."

"Remember how you laughed at me when I went bald? No, I'm not going to joke about that. I'll let your mirror do it."

"No, you can't borrow my T-shirt. How about doing your laundry instead of standing there looking shocked?"

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point, the world crap on everyone. To pretend that he doesn't crap is to be an idiot, not an optimist."

"You dramatize everything. All you have is a TV and an air mattress. I would not call it" there is something to lose. "

"What's the pressure? Marry when you want. Your wedding is just another day in my life where I can't wear sweatpants."

"A parent is only as good as his stupidest child. If one child gets

Nobel Prize, and another was robbed by a prostitute, you failed. "

"War hero? Her. I was a doctor in Vietnam. My job was to say, " It happens when you fuck prostitutes, boy. Take this cream, anoint your boyfriend. "

"Science and Mother Nature are married, in which Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature with a neighbor."

"There is a word for such people ... No, I say that there is a word, but I do not know it. Who am I to you, a poet, or what?"

"I don't get it: I sweat, I smell OK. You sweat - you smell like donkey shit. Relax, she's on the treadmill next to you, she already knows."

"OK, let's vote. Who wants fish for dinner? .. Ha, democracy isn't that good when it fucks you, is it?"

“Don't start your story with the words“ This is SO funny. ”It’s like saying“ I have a giant dick before sex. Even if you’re right, it sounds idiotic. ”

"The mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. Bob gave him in the face ... What do I mean? It's just an ingrown toenail, fucking. Good whining."

"No, we're not celebrating this. I don't know who Saint Valentine is, I don't care, but I doubt he wanted people to fuck in reverence for him."

"You look like Stephen Hawking ... Relax, I mean, the non-paralyzed version of him. Feeling better? .. OK. Forget I said that."