When my wife said that we would go to the dacha with my mother-in-law on Saturday, I felt like a child who is being taken to the dentist. For me, in general, the words mother-in-law, dacha in no way are linked to the concept of rest. Then an alarm bell rang in my head ... In the morning it still rang. Listened, no, not in my head. My wife's phone breaks. Saturday. 8 am ... Mother-in-law calls, they say, who are we waiting for, what we are not going to. Has been waiting for us since six in the morning.
Well, while the wife brings beauty. It is painted. This is going to the dacha. Komarov has gathered to amaze with its beauty. A mosquito will see it and forget how to flap its wings. Or the appetite for blood will lose…. I run to the car, I go to pick up my mother-in-law.
I came to my mother-in-law. Well, since we are going to have a rest, of course she has four bags. And they certainly don't have a kebab with wine. And judging by the weight of the bricks. I suspected something was wrong for a long time. I regularly carry these bags from home to the dacha and back. The weight does not change. It looks like the mother-in-law actually dragged bricks from a neighboring construction site. We go to the car, mother-in-law is lamenting if it’s hard for me. Of course not. Do not give me bread only on the day off to shake all sorts of crap. Loaded. Go.
I find out amazing and very interesting news to me. It turns out that the pan that was lost a year ago was found! And my mother-in-law dreamed of a rat in a pioneer tie tonight. I look at my mother-in-law in the rearview mirror. I mentally tie her tie. It seems to have felt better ... Then the mother-in-law remembers that she forgot to buy bread.
We turn off, no, not to the bakery. To the supermarket. I go shopping with her. Terrific news is pouring out of a cornucopia. It turns out that she had already seen exactly the same sheets when she and her husband were vacationing in Anapa. Immediately after graduation. And they cost a ruble 37. But the fruits are not the same today. There were those in Moscow when the Olympiad was held. Finally, the purchases are made. I drag a bag over my hump with anything but bread.
We arrived home. The wife is not ready yet. I sat down in the corridor. I'm waiting. I feel that I have already had a good rest.
Well, here we go to the dacha. There is a replay of the news. About the pan, about the prices of sheets. I don't have to nod now. The wife listens and agrees. I look at the road and imagine a rat in a tie running away from the car. I involuntarily exceed the speed, as the navigator informs in a pleasant female voice. Mother-in-law liked the phrase. Now they tell me from the back seat about the speed limit, about the size of the fines, about the Volga, which her husband bought when there were only five of them. I smile politely and nod. Now the rat running in front has no chance of salvation!
Here is the dacha. Now let's rest. Mother-in-law wanted apples. I shake the apple tree like a moron shaking the non-working remote control from the TV set. I become three times Newton. I remember not a lot of physics and a lot of mat.
Well, now you can relax, but the mother-in-law is not happy with the non-feng shui arrangement of the furniture in the room in which she happens twice a year. I move wardrobes, sofas, cut in a low voice, all in Feng Shui. Super relaxation. The mechanism of the sofa squeezed my fingers like a trap, the suddenly opened cabinet door hit me on the head, all dirty like that rat left on the road.
I go out into the yard. I light a cigarette with shaking, rested hands. Mother-in-law approaches. We stand in silence. We look up. We have a rest. The mother-in-law begins to talk about the antenna lying on the roof. Remembers how the Ostankino TV tower was built. I'm going to rest in the barn. I carry a ladder out of it to rest. Climb to the roof for this fucking antenna. And here it is, the apotheosis of relaxation. I fly from the roof with an antenna in my hands. I have time to think: why am I not the Mir station?
I'm landing. Rats from the barn make wishes by looking at a shooting star. I lie on the lawn with my arms and legs outstretched. Well, the star is star-struck. The alarm bell in my head turned into a hum. Mother-in-law suddenly felt rested and was getting ready to go home. Within half an hour, I load the bags of bricks into the car. They decided not to throw away the antenna. Mother-in-law wants to adapt it somehow in the greenhouse. But I think I decided to just keep it as a souvenir.
Then I rest at home in front of the TV. The mother-in-law called. I wondered if we wanted to go rough tomorrow and have a rest. My wife refused me with a sidelong glance.