New research has shown how self-esteem can be reliably ditched.
It can be difficult for parents to find a balance between assertiveness and gentleness. Especially when it comes to his achievements.
In 2014, 61% of parents surveyed in the UK admitted that they are "intrusive" in the requirements for children, and 40% said that they call on the help of relatives and family friends to convince children to do something.
This is a very bad practice, and here's why.
A modern study published in the Journal of Personality has shown that parental pressure on schoolchildren and students makes children and adolescents overly self-critical. Those with very obsessive parents show more signs of anxiety and depression.
An experiment took place in Singapore for 5 years. 263 children aged 7 years were taken under the supervision of scientists.
Their parents were offered two types of child rewards:
- Happy to praise them for their successes
- Scold and chastise for failures
The control group was asked not to react in any way to the successes or failures of schoolchildren.
Five years later, in families of "perfectionists" children began to show distinct signs of neuroses. They were afraid to make the slightest mistake and felt a burning sense of shame.
The reasons for childhood and adolescent suicide are hidden precisely in this fear of being imperfect or imperfect, scientists explain.
Professor Ryan Hong of the National University of Singapore explains:
“When parents are obsessive, it can signal children that whatever they do is not going to be good enough. Over time, this behavior, known as maladaptive perfectionism or the "bad" form of perfectionism, can harm the child as it increases the risk of depression, anxiety disorders and even suicide. "
This is consistent with the observations of the British headmistress, who says smartphone apps are robbing children of their independence. Jane Lunnon of Wimbledon High School said that social media and messengers allow parents to "spy" on their children, which causes children to learn to be dependent and anxious.
She said that parents should stop supervising their children's lives and learn to let go instead. Lunnon noted that this constant contact has already made it much more difficult for children to free themselves, and this is undermining their development.
“Your children will either rebel against you one day or break down. You will show your love more if you let them grow. "
HOW TO MOTIVATE YOUR CHILDREN WITHOUT BEING NOSE:
Children often need encouragement when it comes to school activities and hobbies, but it's important that you don't cross the line between motivation and coercion. These three tips will help you find your balance.
1. SET REALISTIC GOALS
The do-or-die attitude to win will not do you any good. If your child is not good at math, don't ask him for a "five" in math a year. Focus on what is achievable.
For example, so that 80% of the grades in math in the week were not less than "four".
Break big goals into many small goals you can manage.
2. CELEBRATE THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS
Is always. On the high school soccer team, music, or extracurricular activities, acknowledge their efforts and efforts.
3. DON'T LET THEM LEAVE WITHOUT A FIGHT
The first time is always scary. Teach your child to try again, but only one, before giving up.
Never force to do what he categorically does not work out. Allow to retreat after one retry. Speak it honestly with the child, because he has the right not to tear the veins there, to which he does not have a soul.