It turns out that the topic of psychological abuse of their children is quite common and many parents do not even realize that they are doing something wrong, and they end up with children who do not want to see them. Or children go to the other end of the world, just to be away from their dads and moms, and they wonder where they went wrong.
So what shouldn't you do?
1. It is absolutely not necessary to tell the children that they appeared by chance or against their will, that it was a mistake or that the child should be grateful to the grave for a start in life. Gratitude is either there, or you do not deserve it and words will not change that. The same applies to gratitude for sponsorship. You can flood the kid with money, but completely screw up on other fronts.
2. Do not do things that are at variance with your words. If the word is at odds with the deed, then such a word is worthless. Be logical and consistent. If the child believes your statements, and you violate them, then he should not follow these rules. No hysterics in the presence of a child! Tantrum is generally a complete finish, showing the complete failure of the parent! Do not break your child's toys. Only inadequate people do this
3. Do not overprotect the child. Well, really ... I don't know anyone who would benefit from excessive custody. It only hurts. If you are a mommy who can't find a place for herself, because your child walks after six, then take your mommy's balls into a fist and endure!
4. The child must learn and bruise himself. If you do not allow him to do this now, then he will do it in adulthood. And there it will not be limited to broken knees. Your task is just to prevent the child from being killed. Let your child solve problems on their own, and do not stand with a spoon at the mouth.
5. Never! I repeat NEVER! Do not tell your child that he is in some way worse than the others or that he will not succeed! If it really doesn't work out, he will overcome or retreat. And if mom said that it wouldn’t work, then by doing so she would sow seeds of insecurity that would sprout violent complexes.
6. Don't make bad assumptions about his future. All these: become a homeless person, get drunk, marry a goat ... They do not help to avoid such a path. They just show the child that the parents do not believe in him. Caring from the opposite is bad.
7. Do not set your child as an example of his friends. He knows them better than you. You only see a disguise from adults. And this: "take an example from Lesha, and Masha already has children" - never helps, at any age. Or do you know a real case when a child, throwing off his slippers, ran to follow the example of Lyosha and give birth to children like Masha's?
8. Do not punish the child with full force. You are in different weight classes. Both in terms of weight and authority. (Well, if in the same, then it's too late to drink Borjomi). It is not necessary for a small person to impose punishments, which even an adult can hardly bear. Do not torment with lack of sleep or hunger. Do not tear notebooks because of small blots, forcing to rewrite many times. Using humiliation, insults and other sadistic tricks.
9. Don't do negative reinforcement too often. In reality, this only works up to 5 years and then at the "fire-hot, do not touch it" level.
9.1 I will single out the phrase "Your children will appear - you will understand." Do not say it ever! None of the variations! Neither I, nor my sister, nor many acquaintances with children could understand.
10. And the last thing:
Raise your children. Do not rush with them as with a written sack, otherwise an uncontrolled something will grow up that considers itself a king, and everyone around is slaves.
PS: This is not all, of course, but following these simple tips will greatly increase the chances of your children to grow up normal.
PPS: Small problems in childhood have huge consequences in adulthood.